I woke up this morning exhausted and went off to work exhausted. I was that near tears kind of tired, the yawning in people's faces tired, the so tired I almost fell asleep staring at the computer screen typing information into the database. And what do ya know...I came home exhausted as well.
Tried to nap and kept getting woken by the phone and other duties. FINALLY settled down, curling into my covers when "The new fridge is coming in a 1/2 hr."
Back track 6 years. The new fridge then was a new fridge we acquired when we made aliyah. It was a new and pretty fridge. And in honor of our move to this beloved country I told myself "you will turn over a new leaf. You will be cleaner and neater. The floors will be washed and the dishes will be done and the laundry put away. And part of all this new me stuff was going to be "and you will clean the fridge more than once a year..."
Ah yeah. Once a year. Pathetic right? Except for an occasional swipe at messes and tossing away the science projects I did not take out the food, clean out the shelves and wash the fridge done more than once a year. Thank G-d (and I mean that sincerely) for Pesach.
And the new me did occur. I started to clean the fridge out once a MONTH. See MONTH occurs 12x a year..just adding that 2 to the 1 does wonder for cleanliness of the fridge. And for awhile it was wonderful.
Till that faithful day when, just as I was about to put the shelf back into the fridge...oh it looked so nice and clean! I noticed dirt on that little plastic doohickey that holds up the shelf...whatever the technical name for it is. So I decided to clean that little doohickey as well.
I put down the shelf. JUST put it down. Gently. Leaned it against the cabinet and....
Little pieces of fridge shelf were all over the floor, surrounding my barefeetsies.
One shelf became another shelf became a drawer and bit by bit I lost pieces of my fridge.
I was afraid to clean it more than once a year because every time I tried to clean it something else was broken. Oh I didn't neglect it completely; I'd move out the veggie drawers (one of those broke as well) and throw out the ugly stuff and clean beneath it. But once a month? Nope. And it showed.
Oh how it showed.
And it reached the point where I said "I can't do this anymore. We need a new fridge...."
So we looked, but the money really to buy wasn't there. Then my daughter comes into me...
"Ima there is water dripping from the light bulb."
Well that got me upright in a moment...at first I thought she meant the kitchen light..but she meant the fridge. We now had no freezer. And soon it became apparent the fridge wasn't cooling as well as it should.
Well we had no choice. New fridge it is.
I couldn't have my dream fridge...three door...or even my second dream fridge...two door...and when it came down to it what we got was very much like what we had...but it was what we could afford (but I think the quality is better...).
And it was to come shortly before Pesach.
But what did that mean? It could have been 2 days before, which would have been very difficult (no more freezer, what could we do with Pesadikah meats (that would need to be frozen). Time is short and I'm getting nervous...
And so lying there curled up in my bed, exhausted beyond belief I hear the cry
"The new fridge is coming in 1/2 hr..." and I'm up.
No longer tired, no longer feeling dull and out of sorts. I've got energy and joy.
Perfect timing. We've just a little chametz food left, and what there is mostly is not real chametz. Tuesday we can go do Pesach shopping and have a new clean working fridge and freezer.
And its funny; I'm starting to notice that about life. I guess I'm a slow learner. But G-d is always there for us in the end. When things seem most desperate they suddenly all pull together. And I'm starting to learn not to despair; to just trust.
For whatever reason G-d has given us this roller coaster life. I just need to trust that this ride is the one G-d wants us to take...and stop fighting it, but working with G-d to make it a great ride for all of us.
Garden of Wisdom Lesson #52: The Ego Blockade
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